Let me tell you the story of Surgiclese. It is an epic of pain, suffering, illness, and triumph.

Surgiclese was born with a bad mouth. Not the sort of bad mouth you get spankings for, but the kind that resulted in high dental bills for his parents. It turns out this was a curse he had inherited from his father that was likely inherited from his father, and upon completion, Surgiclese would be doomed to have all his teeth rot out of his head and therefore have no teeth at all.

Being of sound mind, but too ballsy to listen to it, Surgiclese ignored the warning that restoration was of immediate importance, deciding instead to save his family the money and carry on as if the problem didn't exist. This practice continued well past the point where his family could not help him pay for anything anymore.

Then it happened. One terrible day, the gods of dental hygiene visited Surgiclese and punished him for his arrogance with a toothache to end all toothache. After swallowing his pride and visiting the dentist, our hero learned that several teeth had gone absess and the remaining molars were far too damaged to save.

As he had managed to secure dental insurance at the time via his job, Surgiclese decided to have the teeth pulled and new denchers fitted to where they had been, but the gods were not through punishing him yet. He lost his job under mysterious circumstances, and with no money to continue the operations, had to wait for two more years.

Finally, desperate and in pain, Surgiclese broke down, determined to find help even though he had no way to pay for it all. At last, the gods smiled, and the brave but foolish lad found his way to a school of dentistry that would gladly pull his remaining teeth and fit new denchers to them at only a fraction of the cost he would pay anywhere else. A union was struck in the form of an 18-month payment plan and the young man's journey toward oral redemption at last began.

~

Well folks, it's been about two operations since "Surgiclese" began having his teeth pulled. The only three remaining will be restored as anchor points for my bottom plates in future operations and I'll have a bit to save now while the gums heal. I was very sick last week due to a nitrous oxide overdose during the first operation, but I got better and toughed out the second with novacaine alone. The bleeding has mostly stopped, and though I am restricted to soft foods only for the meantime, I'm pleased to report I'm doing well.

...That is, if my financial situation stabilizes quickly.